Chapter 3: What the Recording Revealed
The drive sat on my kitchen counter for nearly an hour before I found the courage to plug it in.
Miles had gone straight to his bedroom after we returned home.
He hadn't slammed the door. He hadn't shouted or argued.
had gone straight to his bedroom after we returned home.
He hadn't slammed the door. He hadn't shouted or argued.
He'd simply disappeared behind it.
Somehow, that frightened me more.
I stood in the kitchen with Daniel'sHe'd simply disappeared behind it.
Somehow, that frightened me more.
I stood in the kitchen with Daniel's letter beside my laptop, listening to the refrigerator hum.
Outside, a neighbor's sprinkler clicked across the lawn. A dog letter beside my laptop, listening to the refrigerator hum.
Outside, a neighbor's sprinkler clicked across the lawn. A dog barked twice. Somewhere down the street, a child called for his mother.
Ordinary sounds.
An ordinary evening.
And yet nothing about my barked twice. Somewhere down the street, a child called for his mother.
Ordinary sounds.
An ordinary evening.
And yet nothing about my life felt ordinary anymore.
I opened the drive.
There were three files.
One was labeled *For Emily*.
Another was labeled *For Miles*.
The third had no title at all, only a date from six weeks before Daniel's death life felt ordinary anymore.
I opened the drive.
There were three files.
One was labeled *For Emily*.
Another was labeled *For Miles*.
The third had no title at all, only a date from six weeks before Daniel's death.
I clicked the first file.
Daniel's face appeared on the screen.
He was sitting in his home office, wearing the navy sweater I'd bought him for his birthday. His hair was slightly messy, and there was a coffee mug beside his elbow.
I clicked the first file.
Daniel's face appeared on the screen.
He was sitting in his home office, wearing the navy sweater I'd bought him for his birthday. His hair was slightly messy, and there was a coffee mug beside his elbow.
For a moment, I forgot to breathe.
It had been fourteen months since I'd heard his voice outside my memories.
“Hey, Em,”.
For a moment, I forgot to breathe.
It had been fourteen months since I'd heard his voice outside my memories.
“Hey, Em,” he said.
I covered my mouth.
“If you're watching this, then I've either run out of time to explain something, or I've been too he said.
I covered my mouth.
“If you're watching this, then I've either run out of time to explain something, or I've been too much of a coward to explain it while I still had the chance.””
He gave a small, uncomfortable smile.
“I'm hoping it's the first one. But much of a coward to explain it while I still had the chance.””
He gave a small, uncomfortable smile.
“I'm hoping it's the first one. But knowing me, it could easily be both.””
I laughed through my tears.
That was Daniel. Even when he was afraid, he tried to make the people around him feel less afraid knowing me, it could easily be both.””
I laughed through my tears.
That was Daniel. Even when he was afraid, he tried to make the people around him feel less afraid.
His smile faded.
“I've been watching Miles lately, and I'm scared. Not because he's a monster. He's not. He's a boy who has figured out that other people's embarrassment can make him feel.
His smile faded.
“I've been watching Miles lately, and I'm scared. Not because he's a monster. He's not. He's a boy who has figured out that other people's embarrassment can make him feel powerful.””
Daniel leaned closer to the camera.
“I know because I did the same thing.””
He told me about his childhood.
Not in vague references to a difficult father, but in powerful.””
Daniel leaned closer to the camera.
“I know because I did the same thing.””
He told me about his childhood.
Not in vague references to a difficult father, but in specific memories.
His father, Richard, had been a man who measured everything by strength. He mocked Daniel's specific memories.
His father, Richard, had been a man who measured everything by strength. He mocked Daniel's stutter when he was nervous. He called him weak when he cried. At family dinners, he made jokes about Daniel's weight and encouraged relatives to laugh along.
“When I was fourteen,” Daniel said, “my cousin stutter when he was nervous. He called him weak when he cried. At family dinners, he made jokes about Daniel's weight and encouraged relatives to laugh along.
“When I was fourteen,” Daniel said, “my cousin Matthew came to stay with us for the summer. Matthew was shy. He had a speech impediment, and he wore Matthew came to stay with us for the summer.
Matthew was shy. He had a speech impediment, and he wore hand-me-down clothes because his parents were struggling.””
Daniel looked down at his hands.
“My father told me that if I wanted people to respect me, I needed to make sure they were more afraid of being laughed at than I hand-me-down clothes because his parents were struggling.””
Daniel looked down at his hands.
“My father told me that if I wanted people to respect me, I needed to make sure they were more afraid of being laughed at than I was.””
He paused.
“So I made Matthew miserable. I mocked the way he spoke. I hid his clothes before school. I got the other boys to laugh at him.””
My stomach clenched.
“ was.””
He paused.
“So I made Matthew miserable. I mocked the way he spoke. I hid his clothes before school. I got the other boys to laugh at him.””
My stomach clenched.
“Matthew stopped talking to me. Then he stopped coming to family gatherings. Years later, I learned he'd spent mostMatthew stopped talking to me.
Then he stopped coming to family gatherings. Years later, I learned he'd spent most of that summer hiding in the bathroom because he couldn't bear to sit at the dinner table with us.””
Daniel rubbed his face.
“I told myself I was a kid. I told myself I was only doing what I'd of that summer hiding in the bathroom because he couldn't bear to sit at the dinner table with us.””
Daniel rubbed his face.
“I told myself I was a kid. I told myself I was only doing what I'd been taught. Those things were true, but they weren't excuses.””
He looked straight into the camera.
“Emily, I don't want you to make my mistake. Don't protect Miles from the consequences of his actions because you're been taught. Those things were true, but they weren't excuses.””
He looked straight into the camera.
“Emily, I don't want you to make my mistake. Don't protect Miles from the consequences of his actions because you're afraid he might think he's a bad person. Make him understand that he can do something terrible without being beyond redemption. But he has to take responsibility first.””
I paused the afraid he might think he's a bad person. Make him understand that he can do something terrible without being beyond redemption. But he has to take responsibility first.””
I paused the video.
Tears ran down my cheeks.
Daniel had never told me any of this.
I had known he carried scars video.
Tears ran down my cheeks.
Daniel had never told me any of this.
I had known he carried scars from his childhood. I hadn't known those scars had names, faces, and memories attached to them.
I pressed play again.
“There is from his childhood. I hadn't known those scars had names, faces, and memories attached to them.
I pressed play again.
“There is something else,” Daniel said.
“Something about Miles that I haven't been able to figure out.””
He glanced toward the office door.
“I overheard him on something else,” Daniel said.
“Something about Miles that I haven't been able to figure out.””
He glanced toward the office door.
“I overheard him on a call with some of his friends. He was talking about a boy at school, and he used a phrase I haven't heard since I was a kid.””
Daniel swallowed a call with some of his friends. He was talking about a boy at school, and he used a phrase I haven't heard since I was a kid.””
Daniel swallowed.
“He said, 'If I make them laugh first, nobody can laugh at me.''”
The room seemed to tilt.
I'd heard Miles say something almost identical during dinner a few weeks earlier.
.
“He said, 'If I make them laugh first, nobody can laugh at me.''”
The room seemed to tilt.
I'd heard Miles say something almost identical during dinner a few weeks earlier.
I'd thought he was being clever.
Daniel continued.
“I asked him where he'd heard it. He said it was something Grandpa used to say.””
I stared at the screen.
Richard had died years beforeI'd thought he was being clever.
Daniel continued.
“I asked him where he'd heard it. He said it was something Grandpa used to say.””
I stared at the screen.
Richard had died years before Miles was born.
Daniel's father had never met our son.
“How?”” I whispered.
The video continued.
“I started looking through some Miles was born.
Daniel's father had never met our son.
“How?”” I whispered.
The video continued.
“I started looking through some old family recordings. I wanted to understand where this was coming from. And I found something I didn't expect.””
Daniel leaned forward.
“Emily, I think Miles has been watching a video from my childhood. A video that should old family recordings. I wanted to understand where this was coming from. And I found something I didn't expect.””
Daniel leaned forward.
“Emily, I think Miles has been watching a video from my childhood. A video that should never have been shown to him.””
The recording ended.
I sat motionless.
Then I clicked the third file.
It was dated six weeks before Daniel's death.
The video opened with never have been shown to him.””
The recording ended.
I sat motionless.
Then I clicked the third file.
It was dated six weeks before Daniel's death.
The video opened with a shaky image of a living room I recognized from photographs of Daniel's childhood home.
A a shaky image of a living room I recognized from photographs of Daniel's childhood home.
A younger Daniel sat on a couch beside a boy wearing a yellow shirt.
The boy was thin, with dark hair falling across his forehead. He kept pulling at the sleeves of a sweater that was too younger Daniel sat on a couch beside a boy wearing a yellow shirt.
The boy was thin, with dark hair falling across his forehead. He kept pulling at the sleeves of a sweater that was too large for him.
Matthew.
A man stood behind the camera.
Richard's voice filled the room.
“Come on, Danny. Tell your cousin why nobody wants him on their team.””
Young Daniel large for him.
Matthew.
A man stood behind the camera.
Richard's voice filled the room.
“Come on, Danny. Tell your cousin why nobody wants him on their team.””
Young Daniel looked uncomfortable.
“Dad, leave him alone.””
“What's that? I can't hear you.””
“I said leave him alone.””
Richard laughed.
“Listen to him, Matthew. He thinks he's a hero. Go on, Danny. Tell him what you told the looked uncomfortable.
“Dad, leave him alone.””
“What's that? I can't hear you.””
“I said leave him alone.””
Richard laughed.
“Listen to him, Matthew. He thinks he's a hero. Go on, Danny. Tell him what you told the boys at school.””
Young Daniel's face changed.
He glanced at Matthew, then toward the camera.
“He talks funny,” Daniel mut boys at school.””
Young Daniel's face changed.
He glanced at Matthew, then toward the camera.
“He talks funny,” Daniel muttered.
Richard laughed louder.
“And what else?””
“He dresses like a little girl.””
Matthew's eyes filled with tears.
Itered.
Richard laughed louder.
“And what else?””
“He dresses like a little girl.””
Matthew's eyes filled with tears.
I pressed my hand against my mouth.
The boy on the screen was humiliated, and the man holding pressed my hand against my mouth.
The boy on the screen was humiliated, and the man holding the camera was enjoying every second of it.
Then young Daniel did something I hadn't expected.
He stood up, stepped in front of Matthew, and faced his father.
“Stop recording.””
Richard laughed.
“Sit the camera was enjoying every second of it.
Then young Daniel did something I hadn't expected.
He stood up, stepped in front of Matthew, and faced his father.
“Stop recording.””
Richard laughed.
“Sit down.””
“No.””
The word was quiet, but it was unmistakable.
Daniel stood there trembling.
Richard moved closer.
“You think you're better than me?””
“No,” young down.””
“No.””
The word was quiet, but it was unmistakable.
Daniel stood there trembling.
Richard moved closer.
“You think you're better than me?””
“No,” young Daniel said.
“I think you're being cruel.””
The video ended abruptly.
I stared at the black screen.
That final scene was not Daniel said.
“I think you're being cruel.””
The video ended abruptly.
I stared at the black screen.
That final scene was not the story Daniel had told me in his letter. It was the beginning of a different story: a boy who had participated in cruelty, then found the story Daniel had told me in his letter. It was the beginning of a different story: a boy who had participated in cruelty, then found a moment when he tried to resist it.
But why had Miles seen the recording?
And why had he said his father deleted it?
I heard footsteps a moment when he tried to resist it.
But why had Miles seen the recording?
And why had he said his father deleted it?
I heard footsteps on the stairs.
Miles appeared in the kitchen doorway, his face pale.
“You watched it.””
I closed the laptop halfway.
“Miles, how did you get this video?””
He looked at the USB drive.
“Dad showed me.””
on the stairs.
Miles appeared in the kitchen doorway, his face pale.
“You watched it.””
I closed the laptop halfway.
“Miles, how did you get this video?””
He looked at the USB drive.
“Dad showed me.””
My heart thudded.
“When?””
“Before he died.””
“Why didn't you tell me?””
He pulled out a chair and sat down.
“Because he toldMy heart thudded.
“When?””
“Before he died.””
“Why didn't you tell me?””
He pulled out a chair and sat down.
“Because he told me not to.””
I felt as if the floor had shifted beneath my feet.
“Your father showed you a video of his childhood and told you to keep it secret from me?””
Miles nodded.
“He said it was complicated me not to.””
I felt as if the floor had shifted beneath my feet.
“Your father showed you a video of his childhood and told you to keep it secret from me?””
Miles nodded.
“He said it was complicated.””
“Did he explain what it meant?””
Miles rubbed his palms against his jeans.
“He told me Grandpa used to make fun of people. He said sometimes Dad did it, too. But then Dad said he stopped.””
“Did he explain what it meant?””
Miles rubbed his palms against his jeans.
“He told me Grandpa used to make fun of people. He said sometimes Dad did it, too. But then Dad said he stopped.””
I sat across from him.
“Did your father ever tell you that hurting people was acceptable?””
“No.””
“Did he ever tell you that making somebody cry was funny?””
Miles looked.””
I sat across from him.
“Did your father ever tell you that hurting people was acceptable?””
“No.””
“Did he ever tell you that making somebody cry was funny?””
Miles looked away.
“No.””
“Then why are you doing it?””
His jaw tightened.
“Because you don't know what it's like.””
“What?””
“To away.
“No.””
“Then why are you doing it?””
His jaw tightened.
“Because you don't know what it's like.””
“What?””
“To be the person everybody laughs at.””
The words came out so quickly that I barely recognized his voice.
He stared at the table.
“Everybody thinks I'm confident. They think I'm the funniest kid in class. But be the person everybody laughs at.””
The words came out so quickly that I barely recognized his voice.
He stared at the table.
“Everybody thinks I'm confident. They think I'm the funniest kid in class. But if I mess up one answer, if I wear something stupid, if I say the wrong thing, they remember it forever.””
I felt a painful if I mess up one answer, if I wear something stupid, if I say the wrong thing, they remember it forever.””
I felt a painful knot form in my chest.
“Has somebody been making fun of you?””
He didn't answer.
“Miles, look at me.””
He raised his eyes.
For the knot form in my chest.
“Has somebody been making fun of you?””
He didn't answer.
“Miles, look at me.””
He raised his eyes.
For the first time since we had entered Principal Bennett's office, I saw tears gathering in them.
“There's a group chat,” he whispered. first time since we had entered Principal Bennett's office, I saw tears gathering in them.
“There's a group chat,” he whispered.
“They make videos of people. They post pictures. If you don't laugh with them, they start laughing at you.””
“Who?””
“I can't tell you.””
“Why not?””
“ “They make videos of people. They post pictures. If you don't laugh with them, they start laughing at you.””
“Who?””
“I can't tell you.””
“Why not?””
“Because then they'll know I told.””
He pushed his chair back and stood.
“YouBecause then they'll know I told.””
He pushed his chair back and stood.
“You think I wanted to be like this? You think I like waking up every morning wondering think I wanted to be like this? You think I like waking up every morning wondering if someone's going to post something about me?””
I stood, too.
“Then why Ariana? Why Ethan? Why Sophie?””
He if someone's going to post something about me?””
I stood, too.
“Then why Ariana? Why Ethan? Why Sophie?””
He looked at me, and his face crumpled.
“Because they were easier.””
The honesty of those three words hurt more than another excuse would have.
He covered his face.
“I know it was wrong.””
looked at me, and his face crumpled.
“Because they were easier.””
The honesty of those three words hurt more than another excuse would have.
He covered his face.
“I know it was wrong.””
For a moment, I wanted to cross the kitchen and hold him the way I had when he was little.
But Ariana's tears rose in my memory.
So did the names in that folder.
I stepped closer without touching him.
“Being afraid doesn't give you permission to make someone else afraid, Miles.””
He nodded,For a moment, I wanted to cross the kitchen and hold him the way I had when he was little.
But Ariana's tears rose in my memory.
So did the names in that folder.
I stepped closer without touching him.
“Being afraid doesn't give you permission to make someone else afraid, Miles.””
He nodded, crying silently.
“I know.””
“Your father understood that. That's why he was trying to help you.””
Miles wiped his face with his sleeve.
“There's something else.””
I waited crying silently.
“I know.””
“Your father understood that. That's why he was trying to help you.””
Miles wiped his face with his sleeve.
“There's something else.””
I waited.
He looked toward the staircase, then back at me.
“The group chat isn't just kids from school.””
My stomach tightened.
“What do you mean?””
Miles swallowed.
“Someone's been sending them videos of me. Old ones. Stuff I thought nobody had seen.””
“Who is sending them?””
“I don't know.””
He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.
“There.
He looked toward the staircase, then back at me.
“The group chat isn't just kids from school.””
My stomach tightened.
“What do you mean?””
Miles swallowed.
“Someone's been sending them videos of me. Old ones. Stuff I thought nobody had seen.””
“Who is sending them?””
“I don't know.””
He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.
“There was a new message today. Before you picked me up.””
He unlocked the screen and handed it to me.
The message contained was a new message today. Before you picked me up.””
He unlocked the screen and handed it to me.
The message contained a photograph of young Daniel standing beside Matthew in the living room.
Below it was a photograph of young Daniel standing beside Matthew in the living room.
Below it was a single sentence.
*Your dad wasn't the only Harris who learned to destroy someone to protect himself.*
My hands went cold.
Then another message appeared.
This one included a photograph of a woman I had not seen in years.
A woman whose face I recognized from Daniel's funeral.
His older sister a single sentence.
*Your dad wasn't the only Harris who learned to destroy someone to protect himself.*
My hands went cold.
Then another message appeared.
This one included a photograph of a woman I had not seen in years.
A woman whose face I recognized from Daniel's funeral.
His older sister, Rebecca.
The message beneath her photograph read:
*Ask your mother what really happened to Uncle Matthew.*
I looked, Rebecca.
The message beneath her photograph read:
*Ask your mother what really happened to Uncle Matthew.*
I looked at Miles.
He was staring at me, waiting for an explanation I didn't have.
And somewhere inside me, a long-buried memory began to stir.
Because Rebecca at Miles.
He was staring at me, waiting for an explanation I didn't have.
And somewhere inside me, a long-buried memory began to stir.
Because Rebecca had told me something about Matthew at the funeral.
Something I'd never questioned.
Something that, suddenly, I desperately needed to remember. had told me something about Matthew at the funeral.
May you like
Something I'd never questioned.
Something that, suddenly, I desperately needed to remember.
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