Chapter 7: The Secret That Was Never Mine
I was standing in my sister's kitchen when Claire placed a cup of tea in front of me and said, "Maya, you need to tell me what you're planning to do about Adrian.""
Outside, rain tapped against the windows of her suburban Atlanta home. The kitchen smelled of cinnamon and freshly baked bread, but I couldn't remember the last time I'd tasted anything.
I had been living with Claire for eleven days.
Eleven days since Noah died.
Eleven days since I had left my hospital room and decided that the man I had loved for nine years could no longer be trusted with my heart, my child, or my future.
I touched my stomach.
The baby was still so small that I felt no movement. Sometimes, I forgot I was pregnant until I saw the vitamins beside the sink or remembered the ultrasound image tucked inside my purse.
Claire sat across from me.
"You can't disappear forever.""
"I'm not disappearing.""
"Then what are you doing?""
"Learning how to breathe without waiting for Adrian to come home.""
She reached across the table and took my hand.
"You loved him.""
"I still do.""
The admission hurt more than I expected.
Claire squeezed my fingers.
"Then why won't you talk to him?""
I looked toward the window.
"Because if I hear his voice, I'll remember the man he used to be. I'll remember him carrying Noah on his shoulders at the park. I'll remember him promising to build a treehouse. And I'll start making excuses for the man who wasn't there when our son needed him.""
Claire lowered her eyes.
"I don't want you to forgive him because you're lonely," she said.
"But I don't want you making decisions because you're hurting, either.""
"I'm not asking him to suffer, Claire. I'm asking him to leave me alone.""
My phone vibrated on the table.
An unfamiliar number.
I almost ignored it, but the message preview stopped me.
Please call me. It's about Vanessa, Noah, and the baby.
My hands went cold.
I opened the message.
It was from Adrian.
I stared at the screen until Claire gently took the phone from my hand.
"What is it?""
"He knows.""
"Knows what?""
I swallowed.
"Something he was never supposed to know.""
Claire read the message and looked at me sharply.
"Maya, what does that mean?""
I stood so quickly that my chair scraped against the floor.
"I need to go.""
"Go where?""
"I don't know.""
She caught my wrist.
"You're not driving anywhere in this condition. Sit down and tell me what's happening.""
I looked at her, tears burning behind my eyes.
"I can't.""
"Maya.""
"Please, Claire. Not yet.""
She released me slowly.
I took my purse and went upstairs, locking myself in the guest bedroom.
For almost an hour, I sat on the edge of the bed, staring at Adrian's message.
He knew about the baby.
He knew about Vanessa.
But did he know the truth about what had happened before Noah was born?
Did he know about the conversation I had overheard in his office three weeks earlier?
Did he know why Vanessa had looked so frightened when the hospital called?
I pressed my palms against my face.
I had spent years believing that the worst thing Adrian could do was choose his career over his family.
Now I feared that the truth was much worse.
Adrian arrived at Claire's house the next morning.
I watched him from the upstairs window as he stood on the porch, holding a small paper bag. He looked thinner than he had when he returned from his trip. His hair was uncombed, and the collar of his shirt was wrinkled.
Claire opened the door but didn't invite him inside.
"You have five minutes," she said.
"I need to speak to Maya.""
"She doesn't want to see you.""
"I know.""
"Then why are you here?""
He held up the bag.
"I brought Noah's things.""
Claire's expression softened for half a second before hardening again.
"You should have brought them when he was alive.""
Adrian lowered his head.
"I know.""
She stepped aside.
I came downstairs slowly.
When Adrian saw me, he stopped moving.
For a moment, neither of us spoke.
Then he placed the bag on the coffee table.
"These were in his room," he said.
"I thought you should have them.""
I looked inside.
A small plastic dinosaur.
A packet of crayons.
A photograph of Noah wearing a cardboard crown from his kindergarten birthday party.
And the blue blanket he had carried everywhere.
I pressed the blanket against my chest.
Adrian's eyes filled with tears.
"He kept asking when I'd take him camping," he whispered.
"I kept telling him we'd do it after the next project.""
I couldn't look at him.
"Why are you here, Adrian?""
He took a breath.
"Because I found something in the recovered messages.""
My fingers tightened around the blanket.
"What?""
"Vanessa knew about your pregnancy before I left Atlanta. She also knew about Noah's referral.""
I closed my eyes.
"Of course she did.""
He looked startled.
"You knew?""
"I knew she'd seen the referral. I didn't know she'd hidden the calls.""
"Why didn't you tell me?""
I stared at him.
"Would you have believed me?""
He opened his mouth.
Then closed it.
I nodded.
"That's what I thought.""
He stepped closer, but I moved away.
"There's something else," he said.
"A voicemail. Vanessa was talking about the baby, and someone in the background said, 'If Adrian finds out whose baby it really is, everything will be over.''"
The room became silent.
Claire looked from him to me.
"What does that mean?""
I sat down.
My knees had begun to shake.
Adrian knelt in front of me.
"Maya, look at me.""
I kept my eyes on the blanket.
"Is the baby mine?""
Claire gasped.
I finally looked at him.
"You really think I'd betray you like that?""
"I'm asking because I don't understand what I heard.""
"No. You're asking because you've found a way to turn your guilt into suspicion.""
He recoiled.
I stood.
"You weren't there when Noah was sick. You weren't there when he asked for you. You weren't there when I held his hand and watched him die. And now, after everything, you come here to question the child I'm carrying?""
"Maya, that's not what I—"
"Get out.""
He remained kneeling.
"Please.""
"Get out, Adrian.""
Claire opened the front door.
He rose slowly.
Before leaving, he turned toward me.
"I loved Noah.""
I felt tears spill down my cheeks.
"Then you should have come home.""
He walked out.
The door closed behind him.
I sank onto the sofa, clutching Noah's blanket, while Claire wrapped her arms around my shoulders.
Neither of us spoke for a long time.
Then my phone vibrated again.
This time, the message was from Vanessa.
You need to tell Adrian the truth before he discovers it from someone else.
A second message followed.
I have proof.
I stared at the screen.
Claire read the messages over my shoulder.
"What truth?""
I couldn't answer.
Because the truth wasn't that the baby belonged to another man.
The truth wasn't an affair.
The truth was something I had promised never to reveal.
Something that had begun long before the business trip, long before Noah became ill, and long before Vanessa became Adrian's assistant.
I typed one sentence.
What do you want?
Her reply came immediately.
Meet me tomorrow. Alone.
Then she sent a photograph.
It showed a document bearing Adrian's signature.
Beneath it was a date from six years earlier.
The year Noah was born.
May you like
And beside his signature was a name I had spent nine years trying to forget.
My own.
